I wanted to tell you.

I wanted to tell you that it really isn't that complicated. It's all just another layer on top of what you already knew before you started peeling away the surface. I need a coffee.

15 Degrees Below Zero

Not Here and Not There.

Mae didn't know what she was saying but everyone tended to listen to her. I watched from my locker as a small group gathered around her as she made up what she felt must have really happened. Drama. I guess some will use any situation to call attention to themselves. She must be speculating on who was in the car because the voice over the pa said "authorities still haven't notified parents" as for the reason we couldn't hear who was involved in the crash. Let her talk. I still haven't heard from Christopher. It's 9:20 am and I am suppose to be in gym. I am suppose to always be somewhere always every minute I am suppose to be occupied. Right now I just want go find him and sit down to a warm breakfast sandwich at the bagel nosh, with no time, class or Mae to irritate me.

Perfect Logic

When I first moved to MPLS...the first time I notice there were these head shots next to the articles throughout the Star Tribune. I cut them out and punched holes in the top of each picture. Then with a pair of scissors I cut aluminum cans to make what were essentially grommets to provide a little silver accent and strength to the pieces so they could hang on small finishing nails. After a bit I had covered a couple walls and an old storm windows with these little guys.

Time lost. Value Found.

For years he would go to the corner of Marina and Venice blvd with his 2'x3' sheet of plywood and nails to make things. Most days he would just hammer nails into his plywood. Some days he would bring a big roll of twine in addition to his nails and plywood. On these days he would tie the twine to each nail and pull it tight until it could reach a parking meter post, bike rack stand or a parked handle of a car. One day I went over to him as he was hammering a nail and asked what he was doing. He looked up and said, "I am hammering a nail." I then asked if he had twine that day. He looked up again with a little smile and said,"sorry no, today is tape day."

Where was Christopher?

The hallways were silent except for the sound of fumbling paper as someone prepared to address the school over the pa. I remember it was a Tuesday. Tuesday was the day that Christopher and I would get breakfast sandwiches in the cafeteria before our first period. I liked Tuesdays until this Tuesday. Where was I? Yes, the hallways were silent first period had started, well actually it was time for first period but everyone was just siting waiting to hear what had happened. Christopher hadn't showed up that morning, no text, no call. He must have been in the accident. The fumbling paper stopped and then a long pause. A long exhale seemed to freeze everything. I remember being in the hall but was looking in on my earth science class. Everyone was waiting. Where was Christopher?

Something will have to make sense one of these days.

"Something will have to make sense one of these days," Christopher said as he turned to walk down the hallway to second period calculus with Dr. Fleming. The sun and overhead fluorescent mixed to create an uneasy overall over lite environment. I remember being frustrated by not knowing what Christopher exactly meant. He could be referring to how the recent departure of our friend was not now but soon would "make sense" or he could be bitching about how ridiculous it is to be herded around hallways like Pavlov cattle reacting to a bell that says when your conversation was over and when you should be in another room down the hall that looks exactly like the last hall you had earth science in or typing with Ms. Wingate. I needed to be in gym, but honestly couldn't remember if today was to be dodgeball or run around the track until I got a side stitch. Something needs to change and something will make sense one of these days, but for now true to form Christopher made a blanket statement so most likely with the intention that later I couldn't call him out on said speculation. I just had to wait and play along until I could see all the cards on the table.

Relative #2

Around this time thirty years ago a boy woke up in his grandparents house in upstate new york. It was early. The sun just started to reveal the 14 inches of snow that fell over the night. The boy remember sneaking downstairs to the kitchen to where he knew the swiss miss hot chocolate with the marsh mellows was and started to heat a kettle of water on the stove. He waited by the pot to the first sign of the steam gaining just enough strength to set of the tea pots whistle. When the water was just the perfect temperature he grabbed the tea kettle a mug and three packets of swiss miss and sat at the kitchen table that faced a breakfast nook looking out of a bay window. Outside the new snow blanketed everything and bounced a soft light across the kitchen. The boy watched the marsh mellows slowly circle around the mug as the steam gentle rose into the air and for a moment the boy was at peace. For a moment the boy felt a quiet connection to his little world that made such an impression on him that he knew back then that morning would always be a memory he remembered.

Begin Here.

The four year old carried his water pistol around to the back of the house. He began to fill it with old water from the baby pool that had been sitting in the middle of the yard. His small hands fumbled with the plastic stopper as he spilled water over his fingers. The edge of the lawn was lined with pink and yellow flowers. The boy took his gun over to the first flower and began spraying the petals. The boy said to the flower,"there you go that should make you feel better."

Relative

Relative.#1